hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
