Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
one two three fourrrrnication!
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
