he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
