Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
