I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
