Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
