He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
