Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
