What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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