a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
