Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
