she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
