Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
