She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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