tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
