I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
How does one acquire holy water?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
