you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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