just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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