Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
