Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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