don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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