im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I need to calm my uterus...
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Randomize
