Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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