It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
