why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
