Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
