That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
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