I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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