I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
