so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
