i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I just blew my weed a kiss
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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