can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Are we still banned from the library?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
