i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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