The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
