You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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