Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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