omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
