The best revenge is premature balding
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
