Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
