Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
