So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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