Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
