i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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