the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
