im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
