it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
