I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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