uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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