why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
