I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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