i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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