well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
