blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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