her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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