I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
