hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
