Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
