need another drink. this is the easiest way
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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