No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
