JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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