I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
