I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
