If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
