will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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