At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize