yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
