She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
