Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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