I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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