I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
