Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
