Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
