i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize