I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
