my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
