could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
