I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
