Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
