No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
do nipples grow back?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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