what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
